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Thursday, 30 April 2015

Life of a stranger : Apostrophe

  When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn't make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better. "It's all right" we whisper, "I'm here, I love you." and we lie: "I'll never leave you." For just a moment or two the darkness doesn't seem so bad.
             * * *
Ronke was a bright child, she had always been her mothers pride right for day one. Ronke was not just beautiful and lucky, she was brilliant too, if she was a precious stone, she would be a very rare diamond.
    After ronke left secondary school, she gain admission to study law in a prestigious university in her home land. She aced her law school exams and subsequently got a job in one of the best law firms. Ronke got married to her college sweetheart admist pomp and pageantry, everybody that matter was at her wedding ceremony, kings, governors. The wedding was covered by major news papers and magazines " match made in heaven", "Pilot weds lawyer" the headlines read. One can only imagine how happy her mother was " ronke my daughter is getting married,she is a lawyer".
       Barely a month that she got married ronke took in, she was more beautiful than ever, she looked like she had just stepped out of the magazine, she was every mother's pride " o ri bi ronke shey smart"( don't you see how smart ronke looks).
        Yesterday Ronke pregnancy was 8months old, the doctors told her she should expect her baby by the second week of may and of course the baby and mother are doing well(there was nothing to worry about),4 hours ago ronke died from a stray bullet, right in front of her house in the arms of her husband.
    Have you ever thought of when the end will come, how , or where? I do, and it bring tears to my eyes... Dead is inevitable no matter how talented, beautiful,nice, or rich you are. In the main time, be happy, LIVE! So when you die people would not just cry because you have died they would be able to laugh because you lead a good life.

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Blast from the past

  I wrote this post about two years ago, I was in a place so dark I was scared to ask for help. I didn't allow anyone read it. I am sharing this today because I feel like I have conquered my demons or at least chased them off.

         * * *
Have you ever been at the brim where you have no choice but to jump?
Have you ever tried walking for a very long time but not knowing where to go? have you ever been in a situation where you need to breath for the sake of living?
 have you ever felt so tired and then feel all your labours are meaningless?
   Everyday you wake up wishing there will be something new. Gazing at yourself in the mirror finding nothing but shadow.
  Why is the world so harsh, that it leaves you nothing but pain?it doesn't even give you the chance but decides for your fate. I don't believe trials make us stronger when It leaves us torn apart, I don't believe time heals all wounds when it leaves a scar. I smile and laugh so hard when in front of a crowd but behind those mask lies bitterness.
   No one understand me ,even my dearest cannot fathom the severity of pain I have felt. Only the sound of silence can deduce my torment and the enmity I have felt. It has left me cold hearted and loneliness is my only friend
    Despite all my afflictions and enigmas the heartache and anguish that life may bring my way...I will never relinquish my faith for ill feelings. Because my insipid journey would come to an end soon.

                   * * *
  "In every way that counted, I was dead. Inside somewhere maybe I was screaming and weeping and howling like an animal, but that was another person deep inside, another person who had no access to the lips and face and mouth and head, so on the surface I just shrugged and smile and kept moving. If i could have physically passed away, just let it all go, like that, without doing anything, stepped out of life easily as walking through a door I would have done. But I was going to sleep at night and waking in the morning, disappointed to be there and resigned to existence":Neil Gaiman
  

Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Random : confession

 Bless me father for I have sinned. Its been forever since my last confession. I have not been to church in 3months, the last time I went was on cross over night, I didn't even observe lent. (Whew!) Confession is hard o, but I really need to start going to church, jesus is coming soon.
   So I finally left my room today to go to my mumsie place of work( yes I still follow my mum to her office/store) am not proud of myself but as I no come get work nko ? The office thing ehn I don't think I would go tomorrow, the place is boring, all this old women were just rubbing my head, calling me different kind of names," Abigael", "okanlawon", "baby of the house"," sisi mi", "my dear", "omo mummy", "iyawo" , the name plenty. I would have endured the naming ceremony if money was involved but ko si owo(no money).
Those women are the least of my worries anyway, my mum has invited the church to our house( now the evening mass for tuesday would hold at my house) did u hear me. MASS! HOUSE!(What happened to the church?) I can't hide any where, the party is at my house. By the way I would start a series on the blog soon ( The life of a stranger) short series about what is happening in the life of people I meet, hear about everyday. Might be tragedy, comedy or tragi comedy.
   Drop your comment abeg, I would make sure I pray for you during the evening mass. Thanks for reading. 

Monday, 27 April 2015

7 passenger you would meet in a nigerian public transport

 A good morning to you and you and you. I really have not excuse for my absence ( oh! Wait! I do!) Actually rain fell on friday and PHCN is still spreading the wire. As I heard it won't be dry till tuesday(5 days of black out because of 2hours rain) naija I hail o... Now to today's post. I actually wrote this inside the bus on my way to my mother's house yesterday, tried to post it but network no gree me and the man that sat beside me would not stop looking at the screen of my phone . He was actually the major reason I started writing the post. You can always add ur characters.


The sleeper: that sister or brother that sleeps right from take off till you reach the destination. Am a typical example,I make sure I take the sit that would allow me sleep comfortably( I have sleep for over 10hour in a bus before)non fiction, slept from Cotonou to Ife.


The assistant driver: usually women or men in their late 40s upwards,they complain about everything, they know the best route to take, they would abuse other road users. They take all the characteristic of a typical nigerian driver apart from the actual driving itself.


The pastor: the pastors are the ones that would pray when the bus is about to take off, 20mins into the journey they would start preaching about death and hell fire.


What do u call some one that goes to d toilet frequently? :they leave the bus at every stop to either go and urinate or defecate.


The foodie: buy every snacks sold by the road side, rice, fried fish, corn on cob,popcorn,plaintain chips, boiled egg. Every thing that is edible.


The mother: this women would bring like 3 children between the age of 6 to 0 along with them on the journey, then pay for just one seat. Once u sit down you would hear " sister e jo e bami gbe aburo yin"/ sister pls help me carry your younger sibling.


Confused: this people don't know where they are going, so they ask everyone in the bus for direction, tell the driver to remind them when they get to their destination, call their host every 5 minutes

Add yours, and make sure you take care of you, and have a blessed week. Till my next post. ==> XOXO

Friday, 24 April 2015

A Quiet Revolutionary

 This should be interesting. I love to see some of your answers and please feel free to add yours.
            * * *
Things your parents forgot to tell you
:being an adult came with it set of problems( if I knew I would have not been in an hurry to grow up)
         * * *
Things you can do to get rid of unwanted guests
While talking to them, go and in out of your room, light candles(if u have any colour other than white it would work better), then start chanting every type of chant you know.
        * * *
Things you shouldn’t say to your friend before they go into battle
Be self assured that i will take proper care of your husband. He will not lack anything.
       * * *
Things people do when no one is looking
Truly being themselves,picking their nose.
           * * *
Things you shouldn’t do on an airplane:
Please don't over dose on perfume. Not cOol,not cool at all.
         * * *
Things you wish were delivered
Men – I wish I can just order them according to how I like and if it is not what I want, I have 30 days to return him.
             * * *
Things you should not do if you want to make a first impression
Please don’t pick your nose, don't bite your finger nails, or scratch your hair
           * * *
Things kids know more about than Adults
Forgiveness
          * * *
Things paramedics shouldn’t say to a patient on the way to the hospital
Any last words?
 Add yours to the list.
P.S: the title of the post has nothing to do with the content. It's just my way of saying I hate the expectation titles carry.    

Thursday, 23 April 2015

Cold feet

 morning blogfam. How was yesterday and your night? I just woke up like 10minutes ago. I actually dreamt about Nigeria in the 70s(am not sure about the year) I could see a lot of team natural hair ,there was nobody with 100% human hair,no Nike eyebrow. My dreams usually appear real,attention to details and all ( it was even in black and white).
     Did I tell you guys I was supposed to go on a date yesterday? Like a date 'date', its like the second time I have been asked out on a date. The first time I was about 18years old, it was a valentine's day, I actually had like 3 dates that valentine's day, but I chicken out, I was so scared (what if they were serial killers or rapists), I was actually at my older men phase( that year every guy that ask me out was at least 20years older than I was ) I had to switch off my phone just because I didn't have the courage to cancel.
   Yesterdays date was actually supposed to be a pool side date, I was so uncomfortable wearing a bikini( that means I have to shave my legs) am not even comfortable been half naked with a guy I just met( I met him at the party I went to on saturday). He is so cute and he can dance . I guess I was just scared he wouldn't like me when we talk... Yes! that and the fact that I like to sleep more than I like to swim(I can't even swim).
    My friends believes all my excuses was just to shield myself from the real problem (I was scared he might actually like me enough to go on a second date with me). Why do you chicken out of dates? Do you think I should give him a shot? I don't want my skin to be used as a coat.(He might just be another serial killer).have a very nice day.

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Reasons not to have Friend with Benefit

 “Friends with Benefits are great because you get the benefits of sex without the bullshit of a relationship.”

    No fights. No boring dates. Just great sex. And hopefully lots of it. I know most guys would get excited if a girl agrees to become FWB with them. I remember one of my friends(male) asked me to be his FWB( the guy is so broke, so their was no benefit) the way he ask was so annoying(I would have punched him in the face if he was not 3times bigger than I am) , I think you need to have a little bit of chemistry with the person you want to be FWB with. Am not preaching the gospel of FWB today anyways. personally, I feel the disadvantages of friends with benefit is more than its advantages. I took the liberty of surfing the internet to get some reasons why you should not have friends with Benefit.

1** He is dating another girl and she get dinners,gift and all the flowers. He would always have a main chick,the girl that won't allow him to pick your calls on weekends, the one that he tells you he has to go home to meet. If you love attention, do not consider FWB with anyone.

2** It gets too emotional: forget milla and justin in "Friend with benefit"(the movie) if u fall in love with that fwb she/he might not catch you. And you might get hurt. I have a friend that is still single because she believes her FWB would ask her out.

3** You are free to have sex with other people, and most young people don't see the purpose of having protected sex. So its would be an std party soon

4** Awkwardness in public: its usually awkward when you meet the said friend in public. Especially when his main chick is around. ( Imagine you are at a dinner you forced him to take you to, his friends are all with their girlfriends, and they(gf) are friends, you can't be part of the clique since you are just the FWB and your role is in the bedroom. I believe you would have to become friends with the bartender or leave the venue before the alienation you feel will kill you)

5** he knows all the things you do behind close doors( he has the blueprint of your behind in his brain), but he doesn't know your surname or your home town, you really don't know anything about him.

6** what happens when you get pregnant and have a child from the relationship,how would you explain your relationship to baby when he or she is grown up. Just imagine she is a girl.(You would not be able to tell the child the usual " I was a virgin when I married your father" tales women say.) I believe that should be the second if we were to cast a vote for most said lies.
    

  So what's your view on this issues. (Don't be a stranger)Let's talk in the comment section and enjoy the rest of your day.

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

On money ritual

 To start with, I believe in extra terrestrial powers, I believe there are star gazer, I believe some set of people can look through a crystal ball and see a semblance of the future ,I have not met an exorcist before but I think they exist, I believe in witches and wizards( why won't I, I went to a federal school).
  Now here is what I don't believe in: During the election, I was stuck with a friend and the only tv channel available apart from one other crappy music station was african magic. I don't understand d problem with the service provider but am sure is a big one.
   Of all the movies I saw, there was a particular one that caught my attention. I can't remember the title but its about a guy plagued with bad luck and was told his mother is the cause of his predicament. Long story short he opted for money ritual.
   My toothache is the way the money magically appeared in his living room. I talked this over with an acquaintance and she said she has heard about this particular scenario and she believes some evil spirit brings mint 1000naira notes in the biggest ghana must go(sack bag: BAG/ SACK) they can purchase in the evil forest.
   What's your take on this issue,do evil spirit bring bags of money or not? I really need to know.

Monday, 20 April 2015

A lot of randomness

 Hey guys! I just finished my exam( yea !)am happy but on another note am not very happy. Everything is so boring. At first my plans was to see movies for a week after the exam, I didn't even plan to read sign posts. Now plans have changed, they break is so short (2weeks break) and we are to start a new session. Its like there is no break at all( because part 1 students are resuming next week I guess)... I have not fully recovered. My voice is dry and broken, I have sharp headache like someone have decided to use my head as punching bag... Generally I have been feeling uninspired, I want to write something but I stop because I think I would never be good enough. I know its not cool to think like that but I also know such thoughts are just there to validate the fact that am human. I started this blog cos it gets boring writing in my diary, and most people I talk to don't really understand the way I think. I don't even think I think about the right things now, I over analysis things, I try to please everybody, I try so had not to get people angry, I get angry quicker than I used to and over the most stupid things... I don't even know if am making sense right now, and this post is just all over the place. In absentia of what to post, lemme just give you a recap of my weekend. I wrote my last exam on saturday morning, I went for a party same day till sunday morning( its my class party) so I had to drag my ill self there. I was quick to forget I was not feeling fine though and I had fun( I wish my mum would read this, so she would know am not anti social). sunday was just about laying around the place, just like a typical day in my life.
  I would continue my everyday blogging after this post so keep checking this space. Hopefully I would be able to tell you something really interesting.

Thursday, 16 April 2015

Let's talk about abusive relationships

 holla blogfam...shey e wa alright? How una dey. Me am not alright, am feeling weak and tired and the doctor said its malaria without running any test whatsoever. All this 'paracetamol' doctors at the school health center, he gave me a whole lot of drug ,it was so many I was tempted to ask him if he wanted me to use them to kill myself. I really prefer injection to drugs so I doubt I would take any of the pills(am sure I don't have malaria). the only drug am digging right now is vitamin c.  
Today post is about the motive behind the little thingy that is my last post. It was motivated by one of my neighbors. lets call her "T", T is a fine girl, dark and tall, she has this model figure, T has a boyfriend, a short, fair, "just there" boyfriend. I don't have any problem with the fact that the guy is not fine, the problem is also not with the beating she receives from him. in fact I don't have any problem what so ever when its comes to their matter.
   I know I should be concern about her affairs at least(love your neighbor as your self), but what can little me do when the person with the problem is perfectly okay with the situation of things. Now my question is ,why do women allow themselves to be in abusive relationships? I would understand a little if she was married and she had children, you know the usual "I don't want my children to suffer" excuse. But this is not the case.
  My mum says it laziness,that makes a woman stay in an abusive relationship but that premise only accounts for women with no job and those that have really rich partner. Why do other women stay?

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

He loves me not

He loves me
He loves me not
Black eyes
Rose flowers
Broken nose
A wardrobe change
Miscarriage
A new car
broken rib
An exotic trip
public slap
Diamond ring
He loves me
He loves me...not

Monday, 13 April 2015

Bind the devil

 I wrote a short story yesterday. I wrote the story and it was beautiful. As I was about to save it, the curse from midnight rant decided to go for a walk. My phone when off, I was so angry. The story disappeared, the back up file in my brain got corrupt and some tears were shed.
    So I have decided to go to vigil and "bind' the devil. I know as a Christian you must have attended "night vigil" at one point in your life. Ok, where am I going with this? I have gone to many night vigils where the pastors call out prayer point for the congregation to use in their prayers. I found that many Nigerians when they pray - always bind rather than loose.
Eg
“ I bind the generational curses in sister lagbaja's family” or “ I bind all the enemies that are trying to destroy brother tamedu's household”

Definition of bind -to fasten or secure with a band or bond. Or to fasten around.

Definition of Loose -free or released from fastening or attachment

Why do we now bind curses rather than loose? I have had to suppress numerous urges to stop my prayer and tell the "iya aburo" praying beside me “Aunty, you do not bind but loose” or maybe you can cast. But I am always afraid that they may see me as an "I too know" or rather label me as an enemy of progress or Bind me along with whatever they are binding.
   So dahlings, how do you pray? Have a nice week ahead, this week would be a tidbit exhausting for me so I might be MIA at a point.  

Sunday, 12 April 2015

My favourite delta boy

  the geography of your face... the scratchy beauty of your voice... the liquid gurgle of joy that is your laughter.
In some of my memories, you are magical,someone made especially for me, for now...a creature of joy and tears and pleasure and pain... to whom no feeling that comes naturally is excessively restrained
In other memories, you are quite ordinary... an ordinary guy from an ordinary place... who looks, thinks and acts... ordinary.
Mentally, I pick you apart trying to understand what exactly it is about you...
Your gentle spirit?...you care in a way that doesn't leave any room for doubts, any other opinion... others.
Your joy of expression?...that you don't hesitate to tell me anytime, anyday ... anyplace.
That you'd stop in the middle of a conversation and hold me like I have the key to your salvation...the fact that in those moments you don't quite feel so nice or pure... more like turmoil and anger and stark reality.
My feelings about this might change in a day or a week or a month, but for now I'm happy with this moment, you... now.
Happy birthday to my favourite delta  boy.

Saturday, 11 April 2015

Midnight Rant

 Good "midnight", Its 1:31am and am here,awake when every reasonable person is asleep or reading. I can't possible sleep sef its a friday night and my house is dangerously close to a night club. No! 2 night clubs, one is due to reopen next month. So am patiently awaiting dooms day. am just lucky dis friday is not vigil friday I would have died of migraine (they are 3 big churches around yours truly's house).
    Actually the beats and prayers are the least of my worries right now. My major problem is with my neighbors. They can curse for africa,if there was a cursing competition at the olympics they would be gold medalists. their curse is nowhere near normal(yes there is something like normal curse)day to day curse. Their own is matured, original yoruba people curse, the type babalawo dashes people. They don't even give hint that they want to start cursing so I would excuse myself at least. It happens over the most mundane things(yesterday someone took a carton and forgot to return it and it started raining hailstorm). I just have this crazy feeling that the curses are somewhere in our house, planning their attack on everything and person the house. I don't want anybody's curse to start following me like body guard, I have enough wahala already. Do you still think I should sleep? Its 2:01am already(my time).

Friday, 10 April 2015

I am african

 I am African…
I was not told to stand by the wall when I was naughty.
I was not deprived of my favourite toys because there were none.
My share of the house work was the same as that of the paid helps.
That beautiful shrub your mother watered daily so she could smell the flowers? My mother watered hers so it could produce strong canes for my ass, back, hands…wherever she could reach while I ran for my life.
Those shoes that deceptively lay on the floor were not there by accident for they were kept for their ability to double as a weapon that would catch my fleeing back.
I was beat up for talking to boys, for in their world girls and boys could not be friends and talking to them would lead to pregnancy. I was 10 years old!
I was beat up for burning the evening meal because I was watching TV at the same time. For how will I take care of a home if I burnt meals. I was 8 years old!
Mother told me she brought me into this world and so had the right to take me out!!
My shoes were not bought because they were beautiful, they were bought to last, when my legs got hurt from the tough leather, I took them off and held them under my arm, for to go home without them was a suicidal.
I ran, switched off the TV, cleaned the living room and put a book before me when I heard father's car horn, for to be caught watching TV meant the money for my education was a waste. This greatly improved my hearing, because not hearing the car horn meant I would eat my dinner with an aching body!
I feared expressing myself for saying the wrong thing was asking for a caning. It was better to keep quiet and listen to the adults.
I am African… My parents shaped my future. The beatings disciplined me. The lack of toys did not make me feel deprived. It made me inventive in creating my own toys and now know I can live without some things. I never compare myself to those behind me but those I aspire to be like, or beat. I hear your lies because I have perfect hearing.
I am African…Unlike you, I cannot claim to have been damaged by my parents. I am what I am today because I am African!

Wednesday, 8 April 2015

What if its all a dream?

  As I walked to the school gate this morning,I hoped to get a bus to take me in before I exert all my energy on walking. As I wondered who thought it was a good idea to schedule two papers for the same day,I was blinded by my frustration, anxiety and by the sleepless nights that preceded this morning. Why do I deserve to go through this much stress? In my gloom, I saw a figure standing before me, tugging at my shirt to get my attention . A second glance at the figure revealed a little girl of about 6 or 7... She seemed so innocent but looked so wild. I could see that face that, for hunger, would have been beautiful. All of a sudden I forgot my worries . All that mattered was the little beggar by the road side asking me for her daily bread. Make no mistakes;she is always at the gate and each time I give her money or ignore her,I see the same face.
 This morning it felt so different. The look in her eyes bore a hole in my thoughts. She left me thinking about what was real. What if my life was just a dream and I am actually just a little girl begging for alms by the road? What would you do if you found out that your reality: your achievement, rejection,success, failure is in fact just a dream? What would you do differently if you have not actually lived the life you are living and you have to live it again? What would you not change for anything in the world?


Tnx for the idea Danladi. I hope I did justice to it 

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Memo of me :Dyslexic or unmotivated



 Raise of your hands if u have seen "like stars on earth"... Put ur hands down...for those that didn't raise their hands u should see that movie... Its an Indian movie about a boy that was finding it difficult to read or write, according to him the letters were always dancing...
  The movie made me remember a younger me. When I was a kid,I had the worst hand writing(I still do,I used my writing book till j.s.s3), I just don't understand my queen premier, math was a big problem for me. The only period I enjoyed primary school was when I was in kindergarten(jelosimi) and that's because the only thing we did was sleep,play and sing.
  After school hours was the worse period of the day, because I would have to do my assignments,the morning of school days was a different ball game (I made it my duty to show everyone I meet on the road I was forced to go to school)I became a charity case, women would give me money or biscuit when they see me throw my tantrums.
    The turning point for me however was when I attended a wedding. I don't have a very vivid recollection of that day but I was the lil bride. I loved the attention showered on the bride then I decided I don't need to go to school, all I need do was to marry a fine husband and everyone would be happy with me,I was furiously happy. After the couple exchange their vow, all hell broke loose in my head, I could not believe what was happening(it was time to sign the marriage certificate)my lil mind thought the wife was taking some kind of english test,I lapsed into a full-scale psychological meltdown. My collective frustrations burst forth from my tiny body like bees from a nest that had just been pelted with a rock. I have no choice than to learn how to write.
   Not long after the wedding incident, I began to perform well in my exams,soon I didn't need help with my assignment. I did my common entrance exam when I was in primary 4 .
    Now am confused was I dyslexic or just unmotivated? And guys were you brilliant right from the beginning or was 2+2 =22 for a while like in my case. let's talk!

Sunday, 5 April 2015

Merrily happy Easter

 Morning blog fam... Hope your night was not like mine. Just stopped by to wish you "happy Easter".

About last night

 Yesterday a blog reader told me my blog is boring...she complained of how I don't write recent issues and suggest that I should write news instead. At first, at first I was sad then I became angry.
      So today's post is not actually a post(but it is a post to tell you about what I would be posting in future).

Saturday, 4 April 2015

REALLY!(?)

 Hello! blog fam! I think I need pictures to show how serious I am about this issue. This is not a joke and it keeps happening so I decided I would share a few picture ideas I find pretty annoying.

Bathroom picture: its usually posted by girls(u go to d restroom of one very posh restaurant,and then you think "ohh y don't I just snap pictures by the mirror, I would do my mouth like a ducks', I might even try snapping my behind as well as my face at the same time")really?

Scenery: ohh! look dats a nice tree!lemme snap it,slam a filter on it then post it on IG...if I want to see trees I would go to the farm!

Kissing couple : bae! let's jam our mouth together, snap and post it online, so the whole world will see that we are so crazy in love.

Bar: don't just don't ...I don't understand what people think of before they snap this pictures... "Lemme snap this bottle of champagne because I used the whole of my salary to buy it" ..."then post it on IG because that's how I ball" .

FOOD: even though most of the pictures of food I see usually leave me wishing I could download food online, I don't just see the point .Nobody cares about what you had for breakfast or how you like your ice-cream.

CAR: don't snap your car people, and I didn't put this on the list because I don't have a car.

Concert : don't snap concert picture...apart from the facts that we would only be able to see heads and its won't be clear...its not just cool!

And that is how Pheezy sees it!

P.S: pls share dis post with the share button below if you like it, tell your friends to tell their friends to tell their friend(  i got excited) 

Friday, 3 April 2015

That awkward moment

 Awkward silence:
You are talking to your date. The conversation suddenly comes to a crossroads and no one knows where to steer it . the silence has become very uncomfortable. Worst of all, you were the last person to speak, so your date thinks the awkwardness is your fault.
The Solution: Sudden, loud noise,hum a song.
          .  .   *    *     * .  .
Inappropriate small talk:
You are having a great time, talking loudly, You are soaring on wings of confidence. You get a little too bold. Something offensive slips out(you tell you friend u can't stand fat people even though you know she is a size 12).
Now everyone is staring at you and your confidence implodes like a punctured balloon. Suddenly you can't find anything to say. You are nothing. You are dirt. Your soul is soaking up shame like a sponge and you are beginning to weigh the value of your friendships against the magnitude of your embarrassment.
The Solution: commence operation Confuse or redirect
         .  .  .   *    *     * .  .
Getting caught staring:
Sometimes you are ogling a pretty girl, sometimes you are trying to get a better look at a disabled person and sometimes you are just spacing out and your eyes happen to be pointing directly at someone.
Whatever the case, when you are caught, you will feel shame
Solution:1.do something really cool or petend you are blind

              .  .   *    *     * .  .
Responding to someone who isn't talking to you:
cute guy: how are you
Pheezy: am fyn
(Both cute guy and cute girl now steers at pheezy)
The Solution:You have several options
1. Start using ur responds to sing
2. Pretend as if u are on the fone
3. Dig up the ground and bury urself alive.

What is the most awkward situations you have been in  and what did you do about it...If you have an awkward moment story send it to my email address.

FART versus Self esteem

 Yesterday one of my friends said he wanted to see me for an important discussion( and as my ear cannot hear important discussion and rest,) I told him to come to my room at 6pm in the evening ...flash back two days before,I was hungry and had this very strong urge to take beans so I cook a whole pot of beans and as people are suffering all over the world now I decided not to waste the excess,so for two days beans was my major food, I ate it in different ways, at any time beans and yam, beans and bread,beans and "garri", beans and egg, beans and akara. It was breakfast, lunch and dinner...it was appetizer, main dish and dessert.
    Y'all know about the side effect of excess beans now, so yesterday I was plagued with fart, I did it anywhere I went and it was had both sound and substance,at a point I felt like I was in some kind of competition with a soak away,the sound startled me each time it comes out. I was in the middle of this when he told me about the important message. Evening came and he was around,he was late by an hour (trust Nigerians to always keep to african time)...we started the "important" discussion and its turns out he was feeling the girl...We were in the middle of this conversation when the second season of my fart fiasco showed its ugly head...as a fine girl that needs to represent nahhh , I "held" it ...yes people I endured the sweating and shaking that comes with not letting go . At this point I was so glad am black (cos I was turning red).I came out of the situation with my self esteem still intact.
  That brings me to my questions. What would you do if you feel the urge to go in front of a guy that is asking you out. And guys what would you do if you feel the urge to fart in front of ur crush or that classy babe that is feeling you?... When dose it become okay to  fart in front of ur significant other?

Wednesday, 1 April 2015

8 characters you would meet in OAU

The S.U : these set of people are too spiritual,they are always praying and trying to impose their religion on others. They usually pray in weird places,I saw one guy speaking in tongues on ede road(main road) at 6am in the morning once. Sisters in this category are always judgmental (they see you talk to a guy hell is ur portion)and woe betide you if you miss sunday service

 THE STONER...most of them are guys,they are the ones that come to class with bloodshot eyes and always wear overdose of perfume just to cover up the stench of weed and alcohol...these set of people use 99% of their allowance on their struggle...they are very happy people so happy they can drink to anything:"oh buhari won the election!cheers drink to that", "its monday,cheers drink to that"

The Manwhore...these guys are always chasing skirt..they are usually lurking around females hostel...they are major shareholders in the catch them young ministry, they are usually stingy(that Awo guy that is never with his wallet anytime you pass beside the suya man).

The runs girl : These girls major ministry is in dating older men...if you mistakenly dial your father's number on her phone, you have to say hello and bye to half of ur allowance...they are never around on weekends,they don't have time for school party,and they are the ones who will always say they cannot date undergraduates

Gossips...these set of people are so annoying...they would want to know everything that is happening everywhere they go and are usually ready to disseminate information without you asking. They usually know who is dating who,who is pregnant and so on.

THE Geek...these set of people are usually the best in their field,they are always reading and they are well known by the lecturers ...they only hump in their back is their dressing, they have no fashion sense whatsoever...like one of my friends would say "they are still living in the past".remember that medicine and surgery guy that wears trousers he would grow into,with that brown shoe that looks like that of a fisherman? Yes! He is the one am talking about.

The Moneybag..these set are born with ruby and diamond spoons in their mouth,they have the best phones,shoes,clothes,the usually travel to exotic location during the holidays and most of the time have posh rides.

The lesbain/gay ...you know that guy that always wiggle his ass when he walks,snapping his finger, and has drama written all over him, this guys are usually rich and very nice. So girls make sure that you boyfriend's generous friend is not friends with him because of how nice his behind looks. Lesbian girls on the other hand are very hard to spot(that those not mean they are not around. The open lesbian are usually too showy about the whole thing and its so annoying

   I rest my case ...you can add yours in the comment box below. Till my next post, be breezy.