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Saturday, 23 May 2015

What if I just want to be a goat?

 This couple of days I have been doing a lot of thinking(plans for the future, nigeria economy, and other happening around me especially on the issue of terrorism) I get scared easily, cry a lot( I was crying yesterday because the radio decided to play songs about unity in our country, plus this year is one of the hardest have experienced in my short life. Every time am feeling blue, I write to cheer myself up, might be reality about my situation or romanticism about the mundane. This post is the latter.

Thursday, 21 May 2015

Life of a stranger: letter to my mother

Mother its been so long since I last saw you,so long I saw your beautiful face. I have been experiencing the longest day of my life, sometimes I pray they go faster, must times I wait patiently for it to pass. I miss you giving spirit, I even miss the whipping I get from father, I miss the love at home.

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

They called me MAD!

Hello my beautiful people. How una dey, se wa alright. Am kind of excited today. The reason for my excitement is weird/wrong/evil. I don't even know how to start the gist, that's why am rambling. Okay! Lemme begin at the beginning and I would go on till I come to the end and then I would stop.

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

My traditional yoruba wedding

 Am sure everyone have notice my very loud absence... * clear cobwebs* ...have been trying to make round to blogs(catching up on all have missed) I was held up by some unprecedented dresses I had to make( resuming school in less than a week so I had to give it my all(time ,mind,body,soul and brain power). I was opportuned to go for a wedding during the weekend(sic), I actually left there earlier than normal. I was not feeling the whole affair at all.

Friday, 15 May 2015

In which I had a close shave with death

 Good morning, good afternoon and good night( you can only choose one salutation). How una dey. Am very sorry for not posting anything, am trying to get my vibe back. Today post is about what happened to me on the way home from work yesterday.

   I actually started writing this yesterday, but I was not able to save it on my phone. One bus driver almost pour "sand sand" inside my mother "garri".
 After I closed the store, I had this terrible stomach ache, all through the drive home, all that was on my mind is how we would get home earlier than normal.
    The journey actually got longer, my mum was tailing an heavy duty vehicle(caterpillar) carry timber of wood. The only thing on my mind while we tailed this vehicle is "Final Destination 2 "(the movie)am very afraid of big vehicles, if I was given a free jeep, I would reject it . My mum found another route, and we got to the free way, we were almost home.
                   *               *               *
  I was absence for about 1minute after the school bus almost chopped off half of my body... I was alive and dead at the same time, I was paralyzed by shock, my mum couldn't even say a word(and she is not quiet, I expected to hear her say some invective words but she said nothing. I was looking into the space, thinking about what would have happen if the bus got close than it did, my parents, my siblings, my friends, my dreams( I have not even done anything yet).
     For as long as I have lived I have never really though about dying( I was not scared of dead until yesterday) it was like my life went off for a minutes, I could feel the light go off. Nothing else mattered, I was fine all of a sudden.
    When you find out how easy people die, you would appreciate your life. I cannot write anything about the accident( because I was absent when it happened, I can't just remember anything.)
    I live in the land of crazy road users.


PS: to make the blog fun, I have decide to do some pictorial on simple sewing diy( I would start that as soon as I get my new phone). I also have plans to design the blog( I need a web designer or an how to. This present template was done on my little blackberry(now you no why its wack). Please suggest DIY ideas you want to know about but haven't laid your hands on.


PS: thanks for visiting the blog, you inspire me to be better. I love you all.
 


Thursday, 14 May 2015

Romanus( 18+)

There is nothing 18+ in this story, just felt like fooling around with the title. Romanus was lonely. Writer is anonymous....

Monday, 11 May 2015

If I was a video vixen

   I was in the bathroom this morning admiring my barely there buttocks and bust(I have mixed feeling about them; sometimes they are super cool, and at other times its just becomes embarrassing). A classmate once told me he can't ask me out because I look like one of the boys! Can you imagine?( If I was a boy, I would be one no one wants to date because I would look like a 10year old milk maid)

Sunday, 10 May 2015

A latecomer's note

  Good morning,good afternoon and good night people of God(as the case may be , shey e wa alright?...am typing this in church right now, I totally missed half of the mass... I came in right on time for the sermon. Am proud to say I actually listened to the sermon and it's not just because the reverend father is fineeeee( that might be the major reason but its not the only reason)
  Am an habitual latecomer, I want to change, no! I need to change. Its been 3 years and I have not done my health center registration( I was supposed to do it in part 1 but...). The first stage to stopping procrastination is to stop giving reasons why i have not accomplished my task. I hope to do it next semester: unfailingly.
    Still on the latecomer note, I totally staled till the pvc(permanent voter card) registration ended, on my honour, I thought it would last forever(not forever but at least for a while.
       The latest fail on my path: I missed out on the final year accommodation. Accommodation is exhausted and while everyone I know has gotten space am still waiting for second bash.( It a very sad situation) I stay in a private hostel but who doesn't like awoof? ... Now I would have to implement plan B ( pray about it when the holy sacrament is around, or go and cry in the grotto. It works for me, always)
     That would be all for my latecomer tales, and yea! A big shout out to my brother MAYORVELI, even though you can be insensitive at times, I still love you, Happy birthday.
   Have a nice sunday guys, and have the nicest week.  

Saturday, 9 May 2015

Life of a stranger: DESTITUTE

  Every morning he wakes up and without delay, goes to his place of work. I wonder if he sleeps at all, he is always on time, sometimes he comes before dawn. He goes about his business quietly, just sweeping away, while he sweeps, his bag is strapped to his side, as if he is scared he would loose it.
   When he is done, he sits in the street corner, and wave frantically at waving passing cars, sometimes he flashes his brown teeth or stand up from his duty post.
  His line of job is tedious one, risky most of the time, filthy at all times. No matter how well he sweeps, I can't shake the fact that he sits in the street corner,gets sprayed with muddy water on raining days, buried in dust when the sun is out. His skin is a pale dark colour, he didn't know blacks gets sunburn, but if he knew am sure he would not care.
   As the sun goes to sleep, he goes home, carrying is pack of rubbish, like santa carry his bag of gifts, he does not go 'ho ho' he is not really a happy man. He curves his mouth only when he is offered a green note and bares his brown teeth when it is "better life".  

Thursday, 7 May 2015

Incest! My daughter My love

  I was just minding my business at work today, trying to do something reasonable with my time. Soon my ears picked up the conversation of two women. Apparently the first woman was about to divorce her husband. He has been having sexual intercourse with her children for years now. Her first child is about 22 and she is married, but she didn't marry well because of the trauma she went through(she married an okada rider), her second child that got out of it earlier is traumatized too( the woman got to know she was been abused because she wrote some of her experiences inside her diary). The last child of about 5 had already started masturbating, she sleeps in her father room, and she used people toes to rub her privates when they are not observing her(her father has been playing "mummy and daddy" with her)he gives her biscuit they play with her privates with his fingers and toes.
    Hearing all does my ear almost bleed. I have read about fathers commiting incest with their children, but I have never really thought about the possibility of a pastor or as my mum would say ' a man of God' having sex with his children. The world is really coming to an end.
     The man however denied the accusation, he claimed his first daughter is possessed and he used to see them (pastor and his first daughter) have sex.
    What do you think would make a man want to have sex with his own blood and flesh?    

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

The law is an ass

 Morning/afternoon/evening darlings(its all depends on when you read this).
    Is it me or is MAY moving very fast? Yesterday it was 1st and today is 5th! Have not been consistent, I know( I think is writer block) I have not been inspired lately. My days have been very boring(am leading a triangular life: from house to work from work to house) other than that have been doing some reading( not serious reading) I decided to read my 'Senior English Project 3'. That's the english textbook I used in my SS3. I found an interesting write up there, so I decided to share it with you guys. Its was written by Mabel Segun a Nigerian poet.

* * *
  They say the law is an ass,and I fully endorse this statement, you know why? I'll tell you.
  There is a banana tree next door to where I live. This tree overhangs my premises. every morning I have to sweep up the dead leaves of the banana tree next door . Now this banana tree has two lovely bunches of fruit on it. The two bunches overhang my premises . I love bananas and my children love bananas too. If we have to sweep up dead leaves from the tree, surely we are entitled to some compensation for our trouble? Suppose one day , I cut down one of the bunches and eat the bananas. After all, we did not go into our neigbour's compound to cut it. We found the bananas right in our yard. What would the law say about it?
    The law would say I have converted another man's property to mine. Which is a roundabout way of saying that am a thief. As far as the law is concerned, even though the banana bunches overhand my premises, they do not belong to me .
    But I say to the law, what about the dead leaves I have to sweep up every morning? Has a tree that does not belong to me a right to litter my premises? And the law replies, 'that is a different matter; the law allows you to cut down the overhanging branch because every owner of premises also own the air or space above the premises. If your neighbour's branch overhangs your premises, that is an infringement of your space.'
    All this is puzzling me. So I say to the law, ' if I cut down the offending branch,the fruits will be lying on the ground, and will become rotten if they are not eaten. And yet you say I must not eat the bananas.' The law replies, 'that is true. You may cut down the branch because it is a nuisance, but you are certainly not allowed to eat the bananas. They belong to your neighbour. After all, it was his tree that bore them!
  
   So you get the drill(law is so complicated, little wonder lawyer charge armed robber bills)no offence to all the learned people in the building. The write up Is too long, my fingers started paining me along the line so I had to stop. Do you ever get so bored. How can I reduce my boredom( bear it in mind I don't have much time or money for outings) what I can do at home. Don't tell me to type ' am bored' to google, done that!... Hope you enjoyed the write up?


       

Monday, 4 May 2015

I HAVE BEEN STRINGED

  Happy new month darlings, I pray the new month brings all the good things you wish for. Nigerians how are u coping with the fuel crisis? Am not finding it funny at all,their is no light in my area and the fuel is not just so expensive(350 naira per litre in the black market) but scarce therefore no generator to substitute for the PHCN power. I apologise for been MIA, it was as a result of situation beyond my power. Let me get to today's post.
    Early this morning,about 4am when I just started enjoying my sleep. My mum came to my room(I knew she wanted to start her sermon, but the topic of today's word was still a mystery to me).she sat down on the bed(the sound of the door woke me)then she started.
Mom:how was your night
I: it was fine(yawning)
Mom: woo(look) what your elder brother told you the other day is no joke.( My brother asked if he should help me get a boyfriend)
I: Ehn!
Mom: eehn... Is their no one you are dating in school? Do you think you would just get a husband when you graduate?
I :( covered my head with my duvet and started snoring)
        Can you imagine? Just four months ago she would have killed me if I bring a guy home(figuratively). Now she is talking about husband. Husband!
      Have you guys heard of string theory? Not physics string theory, relationship. I got this explanation from a picture " when they get your attention,and you start a 'relationship' of some sort, they keep using phrases like 'I like you' 'I miss you' ' I want you' but then they never really define the relationship and they refer to you as a very good friend, they never offer sex and they don't take it off the table. They give you optimum attention: not too much to get you thinking,but enough to get you interested, they plan a future with you in it but they never tell you your role... If you fit the bill. Am sorry, BUT YOU HAVE BEEN STRINGED. "
   I can relate with everything above. If it is a FWB situation it would be cool, but this situation is more psychological than physical. I know we ain't dating, but it seems like we are dating, because you don't get closer than we are. Its a kind of emotional purgatory( we are neither here or there).
     How do I get my mom off my back? She won't understand the situation.