Life of a stranger: letter to my mother

Mother its been so long since I last saw you,so long I saw your beautiful face. I have been experiencing the longest day of my life, sometimes I pray they go faster, must times I wait patiently for it to pass. I miss you giving spirit, I even miss the whipping I get from father, I miss the love at home.
  I heard the whole world is searching for me and my friends, I even heard a year has passed. It doesn't seem like a year here,the days last longer.
    I wish I was more athletic mum, I wish I could run, or jump off a speeding vehicle, I wish I had the courage to take my own life. But I can't run, am not athletics, I can't jump, the car moved too fast. I can't take my own life, because I don't have much of that left.
     I die every night the men come to have canal knowledge of me, my little garden has been destroy, my little garden where I once planted hope, love and joy.
    Despite all the beating, punishment and rape, they say am one of the lucky ones, at least I was not buried alive will my head facing the sun, then stoned till I loose my breath like Aisha. Am I the lucky one mother, or would I be better of dead? I would take any other fate that the one that destiny has dealt me.
      Am barely 18 but I have the gait of an old woman, my legs won't close again, and my stench I can't stand. It's vesicovaginal Fistula, I know that's what I have, I have read it in the papers, I just never thought such would be my lot.
    The men have stop coming mum, I smell bad but I am experienced the same symptoms fatima showed before her stomach began to grow nine months ago, they say I would have a baby. Mother I don't want to, am just a child, your child.
      I hear the search is still on going, but my prayers have stopped,the fire of hope has been extinguished, I don't want to be found. Am too far gone!
  

    Your Daughter
    Habiba