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Monday, 11 May 2015

If I was a video vixen

   I was in the bathroom this morning admiring my barely there buttocks and bust(I have mixed feeling about them; sometimes they are super cool, and at other times its just becomes embarrassing). A classmate once told me he can't ask me out because I look like one of the boys! Can you imagine?( If I was a boy, I would be one no one wants to date because I would look like a 10year old milk maid)
This morning I actually felt sexy, yea me!, I have acquired more fat in the right place and most in the wrong place( I can pass for a pregnant woman in her second trimester). Apart from the stomach that won't allow me botton my jean, am sexy!
    My mind wandered off to the world of light, camera and action, I tried to examine the science of video vixenism( its the time of meaningless 'ism'). I acted how my parent would react to me shaking my bony backside for the camera. This conversation took place in my head: scene one, act one.


(Music video plays one, Baba taye while frowning his face at the dressing of the girls, displays of fake jewelry, and general tomfoolery going on, sees a girl that looks like his only daughter... He corks his head left, then right , then left again. Then calls out to his wife)


Baba taye: Mama taye! Mama taye!!
Mama taye:(offstage)ki nii!(What is it)
Baba taye: wa wo nkan (come and look at something)
Mama taye( now on stage): ki ni? (What)
Baba taye: se ko n se omo e niyen?( is that not your child?)
Mama taye :ahn ahn, its looks like her
Baba taye: it doesn't look like her, she is the one, that is your child...



Did you notice how I suddenly became just my mothers child? This scene would be followed with opening of the floodgate of slaps from my mum(she has this annoying way of crying when she is beating my siblings and I) its like she is saying "if the beating doesn't bring you to your senses my tears would".
     My dad would give me the silent treatment, which usually ends with 2hours of sermon, about life before your existence , your life, and the future (imagine a quiet person that has ignored you for close to a week venting).
   My eldest brother would probable be angry, but he would try to act like an adult: he is the diplomat.
    My immediate elder brother would think its cOol, just make sure you remain a good girl: he is the cool brother.
    My younger brother would be so angry, he is so blunt and doesn't know how to sugar coat anything: dooms day.
     Now you know why I cannot be a video vixen, no amount of money can prepare me for the punishment.
  

24 comments:

  1. Hahahaha. . . I love your family. Balanced variety of personalities, I must say. My dad will do same. (still laughing cos of this post)

    Heart Rays

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  2. Lol, what a post!
    Your parents must be good actors...scratch that, you are a good writer.

    Please click on my name for Fashion/Fitness/Beauty tips

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  3. Most african father are like that. Nwamaka quick to call you ur mother's child

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  4. Tnx for the comment Pat... And yes they are good actors

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  5. Lmaoooooo you and your imaginations. I laughed so hard

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  6. That's us o....am still expecting pictures from saturday's 'owambe'

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  7. lolz..... Funny die...

    www.mavinmis.com

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  8. You house sounds so cool, mine would just be laughter and teasing forever... I would be so ashamed.
    Divadiari.blogspot.com

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  9. Lolz...just follow ya dreamz...don't mind the slaps... It's what inspires our story...

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  10. The mass of my body is against my dream of becoming a video vixen, wishes are not horses.

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  11. Lolz. Drama in ur house shaa. Just do watz best for you.

    Pamscrib.blogspot.com

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  12. If your classmate finds that a big issue, then he's really not for you =.= You look good, girl!

    - Che

    www.style-che.com

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  13. If your classmate finds that a big issue, then he's really not for you =.= You look good, girl!

    - Che

    www.style-che.com

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  14. Hehehehe, we all knw how our fam reacts to certain things, so one must consider that when taking a decision
    Jibbyks.blogspot.com

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  15. We only appreciate all the drama that goes on in our homes when we are out of it...
    Nice on.

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  16. You felt sexy at least, that is all!

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