Running scared
It would be 21 years I have been in this world by july 4(next saturday). Am not the type to celebrate birthdays(I don't really like the attention the celebrant get at the party) my introvert side gets the best of me. At birthday party am either the girl talking smack about the MC or the calculated event planner. However this post is not about how much I hate the actually party. I don't feel sour because I might have to throw a party, I don't know the actual reason am all teeth and fangs.
I like to believe am just scared am growing older, scared I have to understand the direction I want to stir the boat of my life because frankly I don't know what am doing here. Am confused about what I want to do after I graduate, would I be making use of any of my skill or would I take the alternative my parents have provided. Friends have said am lucky " fisayo their is nothing you can't do" "I am jealous of your skill" "fisayo you are one of the most talented people I know why don't you make use of it"
Am scared! Am not seen as a clueless kid who needs direction at every turn she takes. I am been viewed as a woman, I am been asked 'what do you want to do'. It really scares me because this freedom of choice is alien to me.
Am scared! I might actually lose it, you see I try to be free, I live everyday as it comes, I forgive easily, sometimes to easily, I smile a lot and cry a lot. Now am scared I would have to change me as I grow older, you have to make plans for the future " what would I wear tomorrow", buy groceries, make more money.
Am scared ! I would have to live up to people expectation, try to beat their wildest imagination. You know things are just easier when you are the black sheep. That way nobody expect you to meet certain standards, the way you dress, your plans for the future, whether the plate is in the kitchen or under the bed, if you would go to church at cross over or a pArty.
I know everything would be okay, I would just take each day as its thrown at me.
P.S: tnx to amaka for saying the meaning of P.S for those that are clueless like me, its POST SCRIPT.
I like to believe am just scared am growing older, scared I have to understand the direction I want to stir the boat of my life because frankly I don't know what am doing here. Am confused about what I want to do after I graduate, would I be making use of any of my skill or would I take the alternative my parents have provided. Friends have said am lucky " fisayo their is nothing you can't do" "I am jealous of your skill" "fisayo you are one of the most talented people I know why don't you make use of it"
Am scared! Am not seen as a clueless kid who needs direction at every turn she takes. I am been viewed as a woman, I am been asked 'what do you want to do'. It really scares me because this freedom of choice is alien to me.
Am scared! I might actually lose it, you see I try to be free, I live everyday as it comes, I forgive easily, sometimes to easily, I smile a lot and cry a lot. Now am scared I would have to change me as I grow older, you have to make plans for the future " what would I wear tomorrow", buy groceries, make more money.
Am scared ! I would have to live up to people expectation, try to beat their wildest imagination. You know things are just easier when you are the black sheep. That way nobody expect you to meet certain standards, the way you dress, your plans for the future, whether the plate is in the kitchen or under the bed, if you would go to church at cross over or a pArty.
I know everything would be okay, I would just take each day as its thrown at me.
P.S: tnx to amaka for saying the meaning of P.S for those that are clueless like me, its POST SCRIPT.
Awww dearie you'll definately be fine.. Such gitters happens to everyone as they add another age..
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ReplyDeletethanks glowy, this is the first time it would happen to me.
ReplyDeleteThere is always a first time for everything dear. It is even worse if you happen to be the first born (are you?)
ReplyDeleteI have felt that way too... it comes and goes, especially when another of life's phase becomes imminent. The good news is you will come out well.. just don't get drowned in the worries. Why worry seef when the world is yours for the conquering.
Keep soaring Pheezy and remember, after everything, Na only God suppose Win.
Am the first and only girl...
ReplyDeleteits ok to be scared love.... u don't awaz have to be sure or in charge.... buh u knw eventually the lines will fall in pleasant places
ReplyDeleteRead SERVING GOD WITH ONE EYEBROW; A STORY ON ALS
Thanks sweetheart
ReplyDeleteThanks sweetheart
ReplyDeleteSweetheart you don't have to live up to anybody's expectations you hear? That's the genesis of our problem. The truth is if those people you are trying to please truly care about you, they'll understand that your happiness is first!
ReplyDeleteYou'll be fine sugar! I've navigated this dark water before.
Don't be scared jor. Those of us that are now nearing 40 nko. You're still a baby girl, enjoy yourself.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha...This is hilarious....I am just gonna say this....Age is buh a number...don't make a big deal outta it.
ReplyDeletelol..Tomi jes has her way of cracking me up...lol
ReplyDeleteDear fisayo, i quite understand your fears, the more you grow the greater the responsibility and challees, its normal to be scared at first, but you most kill fear, and face life confidently but above all sit down and plan how you want your life to be,cos he wu fails to plan, plans to fail.it is well dear
jibbyks.blogspot.com
Gerascophobia....the fear of growing old.
ReplyDeleteThe funniest thing about this fear is that whether you spend years thinking about it or not. Time will pass, the sun will continue to set and rise, earth will rotate on its normal axis, ocean tides will rise and fall, flowers will bloom and wilt. Life still gonna go on...and you will grow older.
So instead of using this thought to create fear capable of paralyzing your dream, you just have to embrace it and believe growing old is part of life circle so focus on your dream and get it achieved without paying regards to what people like or dislike about you. Fisayo, I like your writing style its cool.
All is well...that is one thing you should always know even if it looks otherwise. You are a product of yesterday so your present now is the raw material for tomorrow. And sincerely girl, look at ur strengths not ur weaknesses. This life has to be lived and so u need to stand up nd drop d chicken attitude.
ReplyDeleteDon't you know July 4 is the most important day in an American's calendar?
Don't be scared i can tell you are beauty & brains just ask God for directions and you won't miss it.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday in advance.
Www.trendwithgloria.blogspot.com
Happy birthday in advance. Life is about ups and downs, when one fails it should be a lesson rather than condemnation. Don't be scared of tomorrow, Ask God for directions he will lead u. Take that bold step today girl there is no time to waste time
ReplyDeleteNew post when?
ReplyDeleteRelax. Take a deep breath. Smile. Live.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be fine sweetie.
Hiya Baby mi... Hiya Fisayo toh Jasi Bajè Baje... Happy Birthday (Luckily aYam kuku reading this post on your byDay **winks) oya Mail me my own share of the cake adolph4all@gmail.com... heheheh.. Bubba... Reading this post shock me like naked Nepa wire eh!!! It kinda feels like ya the female younger version of me... Meeehhhnn I fear growing old like Hell fire (Okay not that much sha... That's me exagerating... :)) ... I fear that I am not living as much as I should today... But working hard for tomorrow... Mean while totally and I mean TOTALLY ignoring today... Bubba... I used to be a lot like you... Trying to impress... Trying to do the right thing... But having that I kuku came to this world 3 years before you... **Tongue out... I can tell you that that's not living... You know what Living is Fisayo?! You wanna know?! Well in my 23 years 7 months 22 days young and confused head yeah... Living Is doing what Makes you happy... Being cautious but choosing to make every single IG post and chat plus conversation count and being Happy while at it... Ma worry Ore mi... E ma wa okay... Just smile with every action... Stay positive and stay Happy... Insha Allah yeah... You will look back at this post 3 years from today and just smile... Insha Allah Bubba... You will be fine... We will be fine... Cheers...
ReplyDeleteP.S: where the paRRy at?!
P.P.S: Make sure you have lotsa fun eh!! Cause we are kuku waiting for ya picSHur post of ya byDay... oh wow!!! 21?! You have the world ahead of you... I miss being 21... but oh well... heheheheh 24 ain't that bad afterall... **forms old man with white hair... and the crowd goes Oooooosssshhhheeeey Turn uP...
Hmmn take it easy girl, don't live your to please the crowd, take things one step at a time otherwise you may overwhelm yourself with trying to do too many things at a time
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