Into depression

Unlike everyone else that was ever depressed I had no reason to be.  My depression was not out of extreme sorrow or loose, I guess I just got bored along the way.  I no longer had that thrill of getting a new toy or the Joy I felt when I make something new and I can't wait to rub it in everyone else face.  The rain drops on the window pane were no longer racing car the just look like ordinary water.  I could not ride my mummy "ajase"  like a car anymore.  I no longer saw life from the eyes of a kid. 

I was an adult, I now understand people do no come back after they are kept in the box.  Kenny did not travel abroad she died over 27 years ago.  It's like a new form of awakening almost rude.  I could no longer live in the fantastic world I built. I Began to know things, I understood, I forgot my toys and buried myself in books for a while they seem enough. Everything I knew I learnt from books(you are to wipe from front to back, a guy touching me would not get me pregnant, it is normal for a girl to bleed a couple of days in the month, I have to fight for myself and if my husband beat me my brothers will leave him for dead under a tree with ripe fruits ready to fall)I read in every language I understood or read the picture when words fail. soon the thrill that came with books vanished and then I searched  for another hobby to give me the spake I got the first time I met books...  But I saw non.  The frustration crept in,  a feeling of emptiness.  Everything became annoying.... There is a knock on the door am angry.  I get angry when I hear people munch their food, why did the car owner use the horn,  why don't you keep your leg off the floor,  shift the pen to the left just a Little bit,  can you stop singing, would you just shut up.!  Before I knew it my head was far up my ass, I was neck deep in the murky water called depression...  How I despised phone calls...  Should I do drugs? I know it's bad but it seems like a good idea. It's not like I can afford real drugs it's just weed....  After all its natural.  I already used it in my cream, why don't I put it in the noodle,  what's the worse that can happen. 
        Now if u ask me if am happy or if I have the spark I go from reading In writing absolute nonsense about myself for the consumption of people who may or may not care.  I would say yes today but ask me that same question tomorrow.
     I have however learnt things would not always go my way I might not always be happy but What matters is am alive, I have beautiful skin, a nice hair, I still cry every time I listen to worship songs, I have people who look up to me,  I have friends who tell me 'fisayo you are wonderful'  with expecting anything, I have brothers that adore me,  father who practically worships me,  mother who prays for me and a God who is ever faithful.  Because of all this I am grateful.